title-less

I could not pinpoint a title for this post, you may have your choice: "good news, bad news", "yummy yucky" (like the book :)), "uh-oh, yay!", "sad, happy", but here goes:

Completely Violated...

So sad that on mother's day, while I was away, Doug being a great pet-owner took Mooja to the dog park and upon returning to the car, found the back passenger window busted and someone had stolen his golf clubs! I cried, yes, I cried for Doug's golf clubs. We don't have a lot of nice things for ourselves, but Doug's clubs were something he had and loved. I am so sorry for him! Now, I am greatly appreciative of the donations and collections we received for hospital bills for Weston, but now I think I may start a collection for new clubs for Doug. It's all related...quality of life you know. Just kidding! But we will scrimp and save and maybe put a little of that extra tax refund towards some new ones someday. On a MUCH lighter note...

There's no such thing as too many girls, right ladies?

Lisa and I have opposite fears now. I am afraid, because I want a little girl so badly (someday in the far, far future) that I will have all boys, in which case, I have all my boy names picked out just in preparation. Lisa, now that she is having 2 fraternal twin GIRLS, (that's right Jamie, let the advice roll in) will only have girls. I had five sisters and I love them all (on most days) and of course I love my only brother (every day upon his graduating high school). And also my only blond sister, Kristen Lee :) We are so excited for you Lis, you will be the funnest babies mama :)
















I'm so sorry ladies, I know this was almost 3 years ago, but it's the only picture I have of all of us at Kristen and Aaron's wedding. But we look fab, because we were dressed by the best :)

Happy Belated Anniversary!

Happy Belated Anniversary to my lover! I am such a great wife, I ditched Doug for our anniversary and mother's day and left him flying solo for a week while I went to ALB for Kacey's graduation. & Weston & I missed him like CRAZY! We went to Cheesecake Factory ALONE a few days earlier, but we didn't do much other celebrating. We have been married for four years on May 7. It's been a great ride, so we figure we'll give it another year or two :) I love you, Doug, my baby daddy! Here's to skinnier, tanner days....ah....

Not for the Squeamish

These photos are from Weston's last scope he had done, but I thought they were too cute not to include. On Friday, we were hoping to be in and out of the hospital, but the poor thing was so sore. It was soooo sad! He can't eat for six hours before he has these done so usually it is a nightmare. But he really did so great! I mentioned to Dr. Book how fussy he had been and was just worried that something else is going on. Afterwards, I looked into his mouth and felt quite foolish as I discovered his top teeth are coming in. I was relieved to know there was a reason.

We stayed the night because Weston needed more pain medication for his throat. These are the latest pics that they took when they went down. I'm sorry if it is a little graphic for some readers, but I think they are really interesting. That big vein is what is causing the most problems and the reason they have to keep going down. I know I have explained it before, but just to recap: the blood gets backed up from a non-functioning liver and takes time to get caught up. So they inject chemicals into his throat to collapse the expanding veins so they don't bleed. We will go at least 6 weeks before the next time since his throat was so sore this time.

Getting Crafty!

On a lighter note, I am by no means creative! And we've been living in this apartment since Weston was born and I STILL haven't finished decorating. But gradually I am getting there. But being creative is definitely something I have to work at even though I really enjoy it. For Christmas, my older sister Lisa made me this really gorgeous wreath and ever since my door has been so lonely so I created this little number and quite proud of it. I spent the last month looking for an actual wreath and ribbon and flowers on sale at Hobby Lobby & Michael's. I love it, the only problem is now I want to spend all my time on my front porch! And every time we come home, I say to Doug, "Don't you feel so much more welcome coming home to that on our door?" Usually, I don't even get a response.

I also made this, which I don't love as much, but I'm still proud of:















Felicidades....Dobles!!!

And last, but definitely not least...congrats to all the many preggos that I know, especially Lisa & Adam who are expecting TWINS! Better you than me :) I am so excited to be an aunt to these little guys (or girls we'll find out in a few weeks).

Reading & Quotes

So something else I pulled from General Conference is from that same talk where Sister Tanner quotes President Hinckley: "How much more beautiful would be the society in which we live if every father and mother regarded their children as gifts from the God of Heaven and brought them up with true affection in wisdom and the admonition of the Lord. " It reminded me of a quote from one of Jodi Picoult's books My Sister's Keeper, (which is about kidney donation) & I should not have read it RIGHT when Weston got his transplant) where she states: "We never have children, we receive them."













Doug & I read a lot in the hospital. So here is the list we have read in the last two months. Doug read in one month Eragon & Eldest, which may not seem very much, but considering he wasn't there ALL day like I was, it is a lot because Eldest is really long.

I read the following:

Of the Twilight series, New Moon and Eclipse, How to be Lost, by Jodi Picoult, I read My Sister's Keeper, Perfect Match, Nineteen Minutes, Change of Heart, Salem Falls, The Pact, Picture Perfect, & the best one, Second Glance & that's all I can remember now.

Second Glance was by far my favorite and had this quote in it that really touched me. It just made me appreciate all the help from family, friends, nurses, doctors, our ward, & many people I don't even know who supported us in our time of need. We did all we could to help and comfort our little Weston. And when we could do no more, these people and our Father in Heaven took over.

"Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back."

There were several experiences where I felt "saved" by our nurses. One in particular hit me hard. Weston had a pretty bad bleed after his transplant and our night nurse asked if I was LDS. I said yes. She said, "Oh good, because I was singing him Primary songs last night." I had been feeling guilty for not staying nights and it comforted me to know that Weston was being so completely taken care after all I could do.

Monkey Bread for the Monkey Head!

Random title I realize, but we had been dreaming about monkey bread since we were going to have it for conference (a tradition we borrowed/stole from Kristen Lee and our fat, satisfied bellies thank you for it :) We just have to learn not eat the whole thing ourselves in one Sunday). And during church, Sacrament meeting, mind you, I asked Weston if he wanted Monkey Bread for the Monkey Head. And he erupted into laughter. It was so funny. Maybe that doesn't sound funny to you at all, but we got a kick out of it.

I’ll be the first to admit I slept through the afternoon sessions of conference with every intention of watching them on my DVR. But I have been reading some posts on your blogs and wanted to share how touched I was by this talk in the Sunday morning session by Susan W. Tanner.

“I delight that I am a daughter of Heavenly Father who loves me. I learned of my divine identity in my earliest years at my mother’s side. Just recently, I saw my then three-year-old granddaughter learning her identity from her mother. Eliza had gone to bed distraught. She could be comforted only as her mother again told Eliza’s favorite true story about the special night when Heavenly Father distinctly and clearly whispered to her mommy’s heart that Eliza was a special spirit with a noble mission ahead. I take great delight in my role as a nurturer, which allows me to express my deepest identity as a woman…It is not only a mother’s primary responsibility but also part of our individual pre-mortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose. To nurture is to teach, to foster development, to promote growth, to feed and to nourish. Who would not shout for joy at being given such a blessed role?"

This part struck me and I mentioned to one of Weston’s nurses the other day how he has been starting to fall asleep better on his own sometimes than when I rock him. This is the best part of my day: to watch Weston fall asleep and hold him in my arms and thank my Heavenly Father for bringing Weston once to me, then twice and in better condition than I had him before. How sad that he is already growing up! And when Doug and I felt so strongly that we were supposed to start our family, we knew throughout the pregnancy and even more so now that our Heavenly Father has big plans for him.

She continued, “I delight in the examples of those in the scriptures who walk by faith on their earthly journey. Each time I walk with Abraham and Isaac on the road to Mt. Moriah, I weep, knowing that Abraham does not know that there will be an angel and ram in the thicket at the end of the journey. We are each in the middle of our earthly path and we don’t know the rest of our own stories that we as Abraham are blessed with miracles. I delight in the Lord’s mercies and miracles. I know that his tender mercies and his miracles large and small are real. They come in His way and on His timetable. Sometimes it is not until we have reached our extremity. Jesus’ disciples on the Sea of Galilee had to toil in rowing against a contrary wind all through the night before Jesus finally came to their aid. He did not come until the fourth watch meaning near dawn. Yet, He did come. My testimony is that miracles do come though sometimes not until the fourth watch.”

I think that speaks for itself for my thoughts on miracles :)

Hey Everybody! Come See How Good I Look!

Here are some Easter pics of our little man. "I'm ready to go golfing, Dad!"













I couldn't seem to get a good picture of the shoes...

Crazy Relatives!

We are fortunate enough to have Doug's family close just in Provo and Krissy Poo in Provo also. But we loved having tons of family visits the last few months! We are so grateful for all the support Doug's parents have provided and my true babysitter/nurse in training Kristen! We love them! & Of course you probably all know my mom came out TWICE! She is the best and my dad is the best for loaning us to her. She brought lots of fun toys for Weston which we love! Thank you!

But here are some snapshots of our adventures with out of towners...

Lisa hopped on a plane Week 2 of Weston's transplant. She brought her fun self and books that Weston loves. She got to spend some quality reading time with him. I thought these were so cute especially with his little hand holding the book. He is quite a reader. It is his favorite thing to do.


























Grandma Joni came out and helped the last week of Weston's transplant. It was so fun to have her there. Doug & I were able to go on an actual DATE! We ate a whole bucket of popcorn & two large Diet Cokes. We felt so sick afterwards and had to pee like you wouldn't believe. I know this may seem a bit graphic....but I only mention it because Doug & I have been to a total of 3 movies since Weston was born. Needless to say, we were very grateful for Grandma's last minute visit!










Aaron & Kristen Lee made a very important pit stop at Cafe Rio and we were able to see them for a little bit. They also bought Weston Mooja II at Build-a-Bear. Weston loves it. It kind of freaks me out. I keep yelling at Mooja to get off the bed - thank you guys!




















Kacey came out for her spring break and we had a lot of fun with her, also. & Of course, we're always glad to have Kristen up to visit....Mooja is very comfortable with Kristen...maybe too comfortable. I turned around and saw this and thought it was really weird.


















We missed Aimee & Dad, but I'm sure we'll get to see them soon. Especially now that Aimee has a new job, Congrats! We're excited for her! We love you all and we were so happy to see everyone!

His Daddy's funnies and his momma's good looks!

Weston has just been cracking us up lately! He is so fun - even when we were in the hospital. So here are some pics...some with stories....some without, but may not need any explanation... ENJOY!

My little swollen Asian baby! They pump him so full of blood and fluids, that he was so swollen and fat! & we are not used to having a fat baby!













Needless to say, the swelling went down....in fact, he lost weight. Now he fits into his 3-6 month clothes again. Well, the pants anyway. He is too tall for most of his onesies. It's driving me crazy. Nothing fits. These pics were just verrrry interesting ways of falling asleep and we thought they were quite humorous!


















Soulja Boy! Weston really likes his buckethead. He gets mad when we try to take it off. I don't know why, but I thought he looked like a soldier here with his weapon of choice. Also, I included one with his trademark crossing his legs. Sometimes, he even crosses his legs with one ankle on his knee like a grown man, if that makes sense? Even the surgeons were dying when they walked in and he was laying like that. Here again, you can see how skinny his legs are.























Time with Daddy! This is what happens when I leave Doug alone with Weston. This is Weston's fort at the hospital. Can you blame me if I am slightly terrified? And I just love how cute Doug & West look all cuddled up.

The Actual Transplant

Here are some pics from the actual transplant... It is pretty jarring to see you're baby so sedated. This is when we first saw him after his transplant. He had two drains in. Then a week later they went back in and stitched up the muscle and came out with another drain. It was still too tight to sticth everything together, so they had to include a piece of synthetic muscle. It won't ever have to come out unless it causes him any trouble as he develops his muscles. Now, he only has one drain in that we came home with. We're not sure when that one will come out.

















It's like having a baby all over again. This is when they removed the ventilator. It was actually worse when they have the ventilator in. He tries to cry and he is actually crying, but you can only see him crying. You can't hear any noise because the ventilator blocks the air from passing the vocal cords. So sad! And I was really strong and held my brave face until I heard him cry after they took the ventilator out which was 2 days later. His voice was raspy and I couldn't hold him yet. I just felt so helpless.










This is first time I got to hold him after the transplant which was about 4 or 5 days after.










And this is the first time he smiled after the transplant...which was ironically after they took all of his tubes out of his nose and mouth. I won't even begin to tell you about all the tubes and lines he had in. It will just become too confusing.

Home Again!

I'm well aware that I need to change my Valentine's themed background on our blog...however, my house still has Christmas and Valentine's decorations up. As we are approaching April soon, I am realizing not only has February slipped away from me, March seems to be blending in also. We came home from the hospital on March 17th, St. Patti's Day, yeah! I thought the next few weeks would be difficult with him waking up at midnight and four (when they usually take his vitals at the hospital). That is what has happened every time we have come home from the hospital. First, in October, it only took 2 weeks to get him to sleep through the night. But then in December, it took two months. This time, he slept through the night that night! I didn't sleep that night, though, because I was nervous or excited, I don't know. Last night he woke up screaming bloody murder. We think he was having a nightmare though. But needless to say we are so happy to be home!

We are due to go back on Wednesday, though. Weston has had bleeding left over from his old liver. So they will scope and inject chemicals to scar off the veins in his throat. To explain this, the blood is still backed up from his old liver and so some of his veins are still swollen. On average, they have to do this 5-7 times. We've already done it twice. We will have to stay at least one night for the procedure.

I give him medication 6 times a day, but only orally. And a nurse comes three times a week to draw blood to check the level of his anti-rejection medication. But we could not be happier to be home. So here are the last 5 weeks of our lives!

Pre-Transplant

Happy as can be all the way up to his transplant, which really is miraculous in and of itself considering he hadn't eaten in 9 hours!

Mad Computer Skills... WEston loves this website: http://disney.go.com/characters/pooh/index.html It is Winnie the Pooh and he loves the funny hunny tree. The two bandaids on his arms are exactly why Weston has the picc line now...so he doesn't have to get poked three times a week to draw blood.













And some pre-transplant comparison pics for the size of his belly and his coloring. Don't shoot! It's just a camera Weston.

Really, who do you think he looks like?

Guess who this beautiful baby is? That's right it's me! When my mom was out here, nurses kept asking if we were Greek or Italian. My mom said I looked like none of her other babies when I was born and sent me this picture for comparison. We have received comments like, "If you didn't know Stef, you wouldn't know where Weston came from." or "Are you sure Doug's the father?" Yeah, pretty sure. That's ok, Doug says he prefers that Weston looks like me...maybe we'll have another one in ten years that will be a mini-Freshness. I tried to find a picture of Weston scowling because he does have that same scowl that he wears often, but in most of the pictures, he is smiling! Obviously, I am a chubbier baby, but I had a good liver!

Mausser Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs - Collage - Morph

How West is doing...

Fabuloso! Seriously, he is doing really well. Dr. Meyers and Dr. Sorenson finished his surgery this morning around 7 AM. We were able to see him at around 9:45 AM. The liver took and started creating bile. His skin already looked lighter. Dr. Meyers said his liver is "pretty and pink". It is a little big, so they did not sew up the muscle, but sewed the skin. Once the liver is out of the donor's body and in an icebox, it swells quite a bit. They will sew up the muscle in a few days after the liver shrinks back down.

He lost a lot of blood this morning, which is to be expected so they gave him some to compensate. Now it is evening time, and this... is the color of his eyes. NO JOKE :) We will try to get an actual picture, he is just very sedated with pain medication so he does not have his eyes open very much. But he looks so good and better every time we see him.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Well, I certainly hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's day, however, I am certain I can top you, no matter what you did. Yesterday, at about 2:00 PM, the transplant cooridinators came up to our room with a pager stating we were now listed and for one week we are listed at status one - top priority. Today, shortly after I posted the last entry on our blog, less than 24 hours after we had been listed, Dawn, Weston's nurse from the liver clinic came into our room. I was the only one there with Weston fast asleep. The conversation went as follows:

Dawn: "Happy Valentine's Day!" She said with a grin from ear to ear.
Me: "Happy Valentine's Day. " I reply with a furrowed brow.
Dawn: "Well, I won't give you a heart for Valentine's Day, but would you like a little piece of a liver?"
Me: "Yes, please."

I then cried and and hugged her - she is the best by the way - Weston just loves her. I wanted to wait until we were certain that the liver would work. Until about 40 minutes ago, we had a 30% chance that the liver would not work. We just received word at 1:00 AM that they began to operate at Weston at 12:15 AM. The liver is not even in Utah yet. It is being flown out of state and is coming from an adolescent. That is all we know about the donor. The surgery will be about 8-10 hours long. Weston will be in ICU for about a week and in the hospital for 4-6 weeks.

As tragic as it is for the donor and his or her family, we urge you please please be a donor on your license. You never know whose life you are saving. We are so grateful to the donor's family. We are so grateful for your fasting, your prayers, and for putting his name and our names in the temple.

I did not want to sound scary or be too graphic when explaining what happened on Tuesday. But the truth is, we nearly lost him as he lost a "life-threatening amount of blood". Dr. O'Gorman came in at the exact time she needed to. Weston was listed for less than 24 hours. Most families can wait anywhere from 6 months to a year or longer! We truly witnessed a miracle today.

Our Heavenly Father loves us so much. He loves Weston and has BIG plans for him. I just know it. I have never been so happy in my life and I doubt I ever will be again. Let us know if you have questions, we're extremely happy to talk about it:) You could even venture to say we are giddy! We love you all so so so much! And we love our little Weston to pieces!

Some Birthday Week!

Well, we have had quite an eventful week to celebrate my birthday - not really :) Monday, we went in and scheduled an operation on Weston's hernia. Monday night, we found blood in Weston's stool. We called our doctor and they were pretty much expecting it because we had gone off the vitamin K so we could get a natural time for his coagulation. (Maybe I'm not saying all this in the proper medical terms, but I'm doing my best) He continued to throw up blood and blood clots and to poop out blood in his diaper the next morning. He was looking pale to me, so Doug & I took him to the ER. He had more bloody diapers and threw up more blood while we were there. Luckily, the liver doctor on call came just at the right time and got us into resuscitation to give him blood and fluids immediately before he passed out from losing too much blood. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened, but he is doing much better now. They gave him 30 cc of blood in the 24 hour period so for this week we are bumped up to first on the list for the transplant. Then we go do down the point system again. (This is difficult to explain) But they are doing their best to get the best liver possible for Weston as soon as they can. In summary, unfortunately, things have just taken a turn in a different direction for us. We'll keep you updated! Thank you for all your support and prayers. They are very needed!